This month´s newsletter was written by Lynda Brettle, an ex-diplomat, wellness expert, and author based on the Costa Blanca in southern Spain.
Lynda works online with clients all over Europe, UK, Ireland, USA and South Africa via video call on Zoom, Skype or WhatsApp. She offers expat life coaching, counselling, and healing with the Emotion, Body, and Belief Code techniques (for adults and children).
Here she shares insights into how to deal with the emotions that we are experiencing due to the recent horrific events in Valencia, and how it all relates to us as expats.
Disaster has an impact on everyone
I am writing this in the aftermath of the dreadful flooding, widespread devastation, and loss of life in the Valencia region in Spain. Although we live further south on the Costa Blanca, about 200km from the area that was so severely affected, many of us have connections to people caught up in this catastrophic event. The deep sadness felt by the whole community is palpable, and expressed so visibly with all the local, regional, and national flags at half-mast during three official days of mourning.
Anxious loved ones in UK, and elsewhere in the world, have been in touch with both residents and tourists here expressing their concern for everyone´s welfare. People have been bereaved, cannot contact missing friends or relatives, and have suffered damage to their properties. We had first-hand experience with a flooding disaster here in Alicante in 2019 when we lost two cars and storage items in the garage. Others were much less fortunate than we were. A reminder to count our blessings every day!
It is not just Valencia, and other parts of Spain, which have suffered this year from such disasters. Central Europe had also been badly hit by severe flooding, to the extent that Poland declared a state of emergency in September. Across the Atlantic, the hurricane season has been equally horrific. In my book “Brains at the Border” I related my own experience as British Consul in Caracas, Venezuela, years ago supporting UK and other nationals stranded during a mud slide disaster. So, what is the emotional impact of all of this on us as expats?
The rollercoaster of emotions
For the victims caught up in the heart of these situations it is traumatic in the extreme. Just imagine seeing your home and belongings destroyed, your vehicle swept away, and being unable to contact anyone because there is no power or phone line. A family member and pets could be missing too. You are rescued by strangers or emergency workers and taken to a makeshift facility where you are given basic food and clothes.
Non-speakers of the local language, as well as the vulnerable or those caring for others, could find it even more frustrating and frightening. For locals, expats and visitors alike, emotions could initially include shock, terror, panic, fear, grief, helplessness, sorrow, hopelessness and despair. These emotions could then change to feelings of anger, abandonment, betrayal, disgust, bitterness, resentment, and blaming.
This was in fact seen by the King and Queen of Spain when they visited Valencia. They became the “punch bag” for the victims to vent their feelings, and even had mud thrown at them, so desperate were the locals to express their frustration with “the authorities” and the perceived delays in getting help to them. As for the Royals trying to show moral support, they may well have had a sense of humiliation, or failure.
In the case of all the emergency service professionals who were drafted into the rescue operations and clean up, we can only imagine their own feelings of dread, nervousness, sadness, horror, heartache, and overwhelm at what they had to deal with. Friends and relatives of people “unaccounted for” were, most likely, crying inside, longing for good news, anxious, worried, confused, discouraged and feeling a total lack of control.
On a positive note, the fundraising efforts, donations of supplies, and hands-on help by the community (and by expats in particular) has been so impressive and heartwarming!
Releasing negative emotions and keeping inner calm
It obviously has been, and still is, a hugely stressful and disturbing situation. If you are trying to support anyone who is suffering, remember that they are on an emotional rollercoaster. Be patient and gentle. Having someone who shows that they care and is there for them may be all they need. Allow them to offload and listen to them if they wish to talk so that they can fully process their emotions.
The best way to keep positive and resilient yourself is to prioritise self-care. The airline cabin crew will always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others! Keep yourself fit and healthy with adequate sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet. Take deep breaths to calm your nervous system. There are free guided meditations on platforms such as YouTube that can also help you to relax.
Focus on gratitude for whatever brings you joy. Be “mindful” and concentrate fully in the “now”, whether that is preparing for a work meeting, picking up the kids from school, a soothing hot bath, or taking the dog for a walk. Give yourself permission to feel and talk about your own feelings. Encourage your children to do the same. Children can easily absorb your own distress and suppressed emotions can cause harm later in life!
In times of tremendous loss and hardship, it is comforting to know that expats (who rarely have family to rely on locally for help) can access a full range of charitable organisations for support, in English and largely for free. I was heavily involved myself with the management of Samaritans in Spain for a number of years. Anyone in distress wishing to talk in confidence in English can call them for free on 900 525 100. More information can be found at www.samaritansinspain.com For services in other countries go to About Befrienders Worldwide | Befrienders Worldwide Support and ask Google to find out about the range of support groups available in your local area.
Finally, let’s all send healing thoughts and energy to those in need. It really does help!
Ways you can donate to help Valencia:
After speaking directly to the DANA warriors they have told us that these three charities are best to receive financial donations:
Donations can also been given directly to the Valencia Food Bank: ES86 2100 2806 6402 0009 8998
Dana Warriors has activated an account with the Ibercaja Sustainable Foundation, which in turn supports the Valencia Red Cross ES55 2085 0103 9603 3317 9067
To find out more about and to contact Lynda please visit www.lyndabrettle.com. Info on Lynda´s book “Brains at the Border, about the psychological and emotional impact of expat life worldwide, is at www.brainsattheborder.lyndabrettle.com
This article was written for our November 2024 Newsletter. Sign up here to receive our monthly updates, stories and resources from relocation specialists, education experts, entrepreneurs and international families who have built a life abroad, straight to your inbox.
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